OOOOOOOOOOOMIGOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!It was no less than love at first sight. Let there be no doubt that Alice Goodwin is the sexiest creature to ever walk the earth, beamed from the heavens on a clamshell and wisps of cloud when the gods ordained that we petty humans had been cold and wretched for far too long. Not content to simply walk among us, gracing us with her radiant presence, she lent her beauty to the adult modeling industry, spreading her shining example of utter perfection to lonely bachelors everywhere. Henceforth, this poor soul shall carry on with his paltry, miserable existence, clinging feebly to the desperate hope that the negligible chances of us meeting may one day find themselves made reality. Weep, my friends, for far less, even, are the chances of finding Goodwin's contact information, for even the all-knowing wikipedia is bereft detail, save for photos and sexy tidbits of quotes that in themselves seem to exist merely for enticement's sake. Alas, we are doomed.
Alice! Cast thy attention upon me but for a moment, that I might have the undeserved audacity to bask in thy glorious shadow! To know true happiness, if only for that fleeting second! I've cleared my inbox, and set aside a special folder for your reply. If you find yourself reading this, and deem me worthy of recognition, I'll be waiting.
Your eternal servant,
--Scotty Bartlett-->
[Yes, I noticed the ring. Fuck life.]
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